I missed services for Yom Kippur. I was feeling very sick and spent most of the day and a half in bed. I am still having guilt issues for missing these services. I did pray at home but it wasn't a formal service. I know there are all of these stories out in the Yid World that talk about men and women who cry true tears of repentance with little or no formal prayer and G-d grants them their heart's desire. However, I still cannot help but feel guilty for not being at a service and pushing through my feeling of exhaustion and stomach upset.
I have not been singing in the shower. I took the speaker I purchased out a while ago and never put it back. I did take the time to update my ipod and add some old cd's onto my new computer. Now, if I could just get my motivation back up for this project then I would be thrilled.
I may have taken on too much at work and I am trying to keep balanced. Better update next time. Promise!
September 26, 2010
September 12, 2010
Prayer: Going Better Than The Singing
According to Rebbetzin Leah Kohn's class on Shabbos Candles. http://www.torah.org/learning/women/class20.html# "Our sages set forth three reasons why we light Shabbat candles. First, for peace and harmony in the home; second, to honor Shabbat and third, to create pleasure." My own rebbetzin, Hindel Levitin, says each week that lighting the Shabbos candles is a time for women to connect directly to Hashem and ask for the things we most desire. As such, it is my favorite time to pray. I love bringing in the light and then covering my eyes as I repeat an ancient blessing that ushers in Shabbos. I spend the time talking directly to Hashem about the things closest to my heart such as my mother's health, peace in my family, and my bashert (soul-mate.) I occasionally add prayers for my single friends, or for a couple that is having trouble at home. I sometimes wonder who is praying for me.
Even when my family abandoned most traditions during a rough patch of my childhood we always lit Shabbos candles (often with my mother using a coffee filter as a head covering.) I had my own candlesticks as a young girl and I lit with her each week. Other than the yearly passover Seder and the High Holidays, my prayer life was fairly limited. I am happy to be focusing on prayer now.
Even when my family abandoned most traditions during a rough patch of my childhood we always lit Shabbos candles (often with my mother using a coffee filter as a head covering.) I had my own candlesticks as a young girl and I lit with her each week. Other than the yearly passover Seder and the High Holidays, my prayer life was fairly limited. I am happy to be focusing on prayer now.
September 6, 2010
A Promising Start
Today, I started my day with the shema. I am sick and figured a general affirmation of G-d's wholeness could be a good start to my day. I also started a small conversation with G-d in the car today on the way to the gym. It was very general as these things go. Thoughts towards my families health, my families unity, help for organization and financial blessings. I am going to pray at some point tonight in a more formal prayer structure. Either the mincha or maariv prayers.
In regards to the singing, my throat is on fire and my nose is runny so I avoided singing in the shower. I ended up soaking in a long bath and trying to get my nasal passages opened up. I will do better next time.
In regards to the singing, my throat is on fire and my nose is runny so I avoided singing in the shower. I ended up soaking in a long bath and trying to get my nasal passages opened up. I will do better next time.
September 4, 2010
At Last And Onward
I took quite a bit of effort on my part to sing in the shower. First of all, I take very short showers in the morning. I rarely spend more than 8 minutes getting washed and that is not conducive to more than two songs sung.
I also learned that I forget to sing as I spend my time bathing occupying my mind with small tasks such as choosing my daily outfit, planning what fruit to add to my protein shake, determining if I am packing lunch, planning on clothing for the gym, etc. It just became too hard each morning to remember to sing.
I finally ended up purchasing a small pink speaker system for my ipod. Each morning, I can go to the bathroom and turn it on and let my songs shuffle away as I lather, rinse, and repeat (as desired).
I was only successful a few times and though I would have liked to sing more and been more prepared I learned that the small victories can be as encouraging as the great ones.
This month, I am going to focus on a happiness skill that takes less specific boundaries. I am going to work on prayer this month. I have my siddur available to me and I also have my bentcher available. I want to add more blessings before and after eating as well as daily teffilah at least once per day. I am hoping to start with maariv each day.
My hopes are that daily communication with G-d will make me more prepared for the day and keep me in a better frame of mind as I bustle to and fro. Updates, soon.
I also learned that I forget to sing as I spend my time bathing occupying my mind with small tasks such as choosing my daily outfit, planning what fruit to add to my protein shake, determining if I am packing lunch, planning on clothing for the gym, etc. It just became too hard each morning to remember to sing.
I finally ended up purchasing a small pink speaker system for my ipod. Each morning, I can go to the bathroom and turn it on and let my songs shuffle away as I lather, rinse, and repeat (as desired).
I was only successful a few times and though I would have liked to sing more and been more prepared I learned that the small victories can be as encouraging as the great ones.
This month, I am going to focus on a happiness skill that takes less specific boundaries. I am going to work on prayer this month. I have my siddur available to me and I also have my bentcher available. I want to add more blessings before and after eating as well as daily teffilah at least once per day. I am hoping to start with maariv each day.
My hopes are that daily communication with G-d will make me more prepared for the day and keep me in a better frame of mind as I bustle to and fro. Updates, soon.
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